But first . . . this just in from the Borowitz Report:
Breaking
News
BUSH TO PHASE OUT ENVIRONMENT BY 2004
All Species Under Review, President Says
Just days after Christine Todd Whitman departed her post at the
Environmental Protection Agency, President George W. Bush announced ambitious
new plans to phase out the environment altogether by 2004.
"In addition to cutting taxes, it is the goal of this administration to
cut our wasteful, bloated environment," Mr. Bush said in a speech before
the Association of Indiscriminate Applauders in
While plans to eliminate the environment entirely are still being formulated,
the general strategy of the White House is to phase out the environment
gradually "so that hardly anyone will notice it's gone," an aide said
today. . . .
"If it comes down to choosing between air and water, the President will
probably scrap water," one aide said. "After all, the Iraqis haven't
had water in weeks and look how well they're doing."
And now . . .
Mark Foley wants to be my
Senator. The rumor is that he is gay, in an 18-year committed
relationship. How he is choosing to
handle the rumor is interesting.
When
asked by the Miami Herald, his response led to this headline
Friday:
Foley: My sexuality is private
Questions about homosexuality 'revolting and
unforgivable,' Senate candidate says
If
he’s not gay, he’s making it very difficult for himself. All he need say is, “I’m straight.”
That
he doesn’t leads one to assume the rumors are true.
If they are true, and he’s
gay – but, being a Republican, he feels he cannot say so – it’s not that hard,
either. All he need say is: “Listen guys, like it or not, I want this
race to be about my positions and my hard work for the people of
And every time they asked, that is what he would say.
Instead,
according to the Herald,
He
called the innuendo about his private life “revolting and unforgivable,” and
blamed it on Democratic activists who fear his strength as a candidate.
The implication: It is revolting
to be accused of such a disgusting, horrible thing.
It is unforgivable
to insinuate it – like insinuating that someone is into kiddie porn or engages in (harkening back to Senator Santorum’s
image) man on dog.
Mark himself might tell you that he did
not mean to broadcast this message. After
all, despite his conservative voting record on almost every other issue, on
issues involving equal rights for gays and lesbians, his voting record is near
perfect. No homophobe, he.
Yet if it’s revolting and unforgivable to suggest that someone is gay, what homophobic message does that send? What if someone had suggested he was part native American or part Jewish or part African-American? Would that have been revolting and unforgiveable?
The Herald
continued:
“Elected
officials, even those who run for the United States Senate, must have some
level of privacy,'' Foley, 48, of West Palm Beach, said during a half-hour
conference call with newspaper reporters from across Florida.
Well, and who can argue? There has to be some level of privacy, even for
Mark
Foley is a fifth-term Florida Congressman
and Deputy Republican Whip. I appreciate
his good stands on most GLBT issues, but respectfully disagree with many of his
other positions, so would vote for his opponent whatever his sexual orientation.
(Well, and – as I feel compelled occasionally to point out to newcomers
to this site – I’m treasurer of the Democratic National Committee.)
But
straight or gay, and knowing he was going to be on the phone with all the
newspapers in the state specifically to discuss this topic,
he could have handled it a good deal better.
Tomorrow (probably): Back to Paying Your Bills
© 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003 Andrew Tobias