And this just in from someone with a cryptic
AOL address. Today being the first day of Chanukah,
I thought it might bring a smile to faces Jewish
and gentile alike. In these politically-correct times,
I feel I should preface it by saying I am a trustee
of the Shoah Foundation, and it didn’t offend me.
So I trust no one else -- including aviary-rights
advocates -- will be offended either. It’s a joke:
Meyer, a lonely widower, was walking home one
night when he passed a pet store (perhaps a
PetSmart -- PETM?) and heard a squawking voice shouting
out in Yiddish, "Quawwwwk ... vus machst du ...
yeah, du ... outside, standing like a schlemiel ... eh?"
Meyer rubbed his eyes and ears. He couldn’t believe it.
The proprietor sprang out of the door and grabbed Meyer by
the sleeve. "Come in here, fella, and check out this
parrot."
Meyer stood in front of an African Grey that cocked his
little head and said, "Vus? Ir kent reddin
Yiddish?"
Meyer turned excitedly to the store owner. "He speaks
Yiddish?"
In a matter of moments, Meyer had placed five hundred
dollars down on the counter and carried the parrot in
his cage away with him. All night he talked with the
parrot in Yiddish. He told the parrot about his
father’s adventures coming to America, about how
beautiful his mother was when she was a young bride,
about his family, about his years of working in the
garment center, about Florida. The parrot listened
and commented. They shared some walnuts. The parrot
told him of living in the pet store, how he hated
the weekends. Finally, they both went to sleep.
Next morning, Meyer began to put on his tefillin, all
the while saying his prayers. The parrot demanded to
know what he was doing, and when Meyer explained, the
parrot wanted to do it too. Meyer went out and handmade
a miniature set of tefillin for the parrot. The parrot
wanted to learn to daven, so Meyer taught him how read
Hebrew, and taught him every prayer in the Siddur with
the appropriate nussach for the daily services. Meyer
spent weeks and months sitting and teaching the parrot
the Torah, Mishnah and Gemara. In time, Meyer came
to love and count on the parrot as a friend and a Jew.
On the morning of Rosh Hashanah, Meyer rose, got
dressed and was about to leave when the parrot demanded
to go with him. Meyer explained that Shul was not a
place for a bird, but the parrot made a terrific
argument and was carried to Shul on Meyer’s shoulder.
Needless to say, they made quite a sight when they
arrived at the Shul, and Meyer was questioned by
everyone, including the Rabbi and Cantor, who refused
to allow a bird into the building on the High Holy
Days. However, Meyer convinced them to let him in
this one time, swearing that the parrot could daven.
Wagers were made with Meyer. Thousands of dollars
were bet (even money) that the parrot could NOT daven,
could not speak Yiddish or Hebrew, etc. All eyes were
on the African Grey during services. The parrot perched
on Meyer’s shoulder as one prayer and song passed -
Meyer heard not a peep from the bird. He began to
become annoyed, slapping at his shoulder and mumbling
under his breath, "Daven!"
Nothing.
"Daven ... feigelleh, please! You can daven,
so daven ... come on, everybody’s looking at
you!"
Nothing.
After Rosh Hashanah services were concluded, Meyer
found that he owed his Shul buddies and the Rabbi
over four thousand dollars. He marched home quite
upset, saying nothing. Finally several blocks from
the Shul, the bird, happy as a lark, began to sing
an old Yiddish song. Meyer stopped and looked at him.
"You miserable bird, you cost me over four
thousand dollars. Why? After I made your tefillin,
taught you the morning prayers, and taught you to
read Hebrew and the Torah. And after you begged me
to bring you to Shul on Rosh Hashanah, why? Why
did you do this to me?"
"Don’t be a schlemiel," the parrot replied.
"You know what odds we’ll get at Yom Kippur?!"
If you like that joke and are Jewish, like me, you
may retell it. If you are not Jewish, maybe not.
But my main concern is that whoever wrote it has
gotten no credit for it. In hope of finding some
attribution, I used the Alta Vista engine to search
on "Meyer" and "Parrot" -- and
it turns out (seriously!) there’s a guy named Meyer
who has a parrot, but not a Jewish parrot. When I
added Rosh Hashanah into the search mix, I came up
blank. Thanks, in any event, to whoever started this
thing orbiting. I assume he’s Jewish.
