(What’s a Letterlist? You mean you’re never awake at midnight, eleven Central, watching CBS? Dave doesn’t call them that, but surely he’s earned a dictionary entry.)

Top Ten Ways To Know You’re Dating A Consultant:

10. Referred to the first month of your relationship as a "diagnostic period."

9. Talks to the waiter about process flow when dinner arrives late.

8. Takes a half-day at the office because, "Sunday is YOUR day."

7. Congratulates your parents for successful value creation.

6. Tries to call room service from the bedroom.

5. Ends any argument by saying, "Let’s talk about this off-line."

4. Celebrates anniversary by conducting a performance review.

3. Can’t be trusted with the car -- too accustomed to beating up rentals.

2. Valentine’s Day card has bullet points.

1. Refers to lovemaking as a "win-win."

Ah, but what if you fall in love with the Dogs of the Dow rather than a management consultant? Come back Monday.

more books by Andrew Tobias